Skool Dance
by inverseinsanity
Summary: Ch 1 - the skool is having a dance to test the social capabilities of the students. Hiatus.
1. Announcement

I do not own Invader ZIM. Not even a little.

* * *

The occupants of Ms Bitters class were involved in their usual methods of not paying attention when the seldom used P.A. system crackled to life.

'**_Attention students! A mandatory skool dance will be held next Friday, ALL students will be required to attend! More information will be given to your teachers shortly.'_**

Most of the students cheered, some hadn't listened to the announcement and were looking at the cheering students as if they were crazy and asking what was going on, and others made various signs of discomfort at the prospect of spending even more time at the skool. The most noticable of the latter was Zim, who jumped up on his desk shrieking about miserable humans and their evil mandatory events (he was reliving the painful memories of Parent-Teacher Night). Dib also protested, his blatant unpopularity making him loathe every second of contact he had with his classmates and less than eager to spend any more time with them than he had to. Ms Bitters silenced the class (except for Zim, who nobody but Dib paid much attention to anyway) as a greasy-looking kid came in and handed an envelope to her. Sparing a worried look at the still ranting Zim, he returned to whatever part of the skool he'd came from. Zim silenced himself as Ms Bitters tore open the envelope and began to read:

"A mandatory dance will be held to test the social capabilities of the students. Any student who shows poor interactive skills at the dance will be removed from society to spend the rest of their lives doing menial tasks of no purpose so they will not upset the balance of the future workplace and distract others from mindless obediance. Formal attire is required."

As she read, Ms Bitters glared from Zim to Dib, the skools best known social lepers. Both looked rather pale and worried, which was fine by her and it meant that they'd be quiet for at least a little while. She spent the last three hours of the skool day talking about the dances her skool had held and the horrible fates that await the antisocial. She herself was an example, a fact which caused some of the students to burst into tears. Zim and Dib were both busy trying to think of a way to avoid their seemingly inevitable fates, something which neither suceeded in doing by the time the bell rang. As the mass of students made its way out of the building, Zim decided he'd mess with Dib for a bit.

"So, _Dib_, have you come up with any way to avoid your horrible fate with that big head of yours?" He sneered, secretly hoping to get some ideas on a way to do the same for himself.

"My head is NOT big! And what about you, space boy? At least I can hang out with Gaz! You don't have _any_ friends!"

"Since when does your sister count as a friend, Earth-stink?"

"Shes still more than you've got! Social banishment isn't the same as an autopsy table, but at least you won't be able to take over the world!"

Zim growled, choosing to ignore Dibs comment about his beloved autopsy tables. "She is not! I have...Keef! And GIR! HAH!" The arguement of who had more friends, like everything between them, had become a contest. Neither would back down or ever even admit that it was a dumb thing to argue about. To Dib, it was a battle for mankind. For Zim, a chance to prove his superiority.

"GIR is your robot slave, he doesn't count! He's not even a human! You've only got Keef, and I have Gaz, Gretchen, and Torque!" Dib exclaimed triumphantly.

"Gaz and Gretchen, I don't think Smacky is very fond of you, worm-baby."

"So? Two to one! And Keef only hung around you for a day!"

Zim paused to think of a comeback for this, and in doing so noticed that they were at the point where they'd have to part ways. Zim smirked. "Tomorrow we shall continue this, and see once and for all who the superior being really is!" And with that he raced towards his lair to ask GIR the secrets of his popularity, leaving Dib grinning victoriously behind him.


	2. Pictures

Gaz silenced Dib before he'd even fully entered the house, being already completely absorbed with some TV program and in no mood for his heroic babble. Dib spared a glance at the screen, then immediantly regretted it as he saw the massive amounts of carnage and gore, instantly recognisable as 'Vampire Piggy Hunter: The Movie.' Of course.

Shaking his abnormally large head, Dib made his way carefully around his sisters field of vision and up the stairs to his room. Being mauled by Gaz was never a fun prospect, and saving the world would be much more difficult if he were reduced to pulp.

_I can stand up to an alien menace bent on world domination, but not my own sister who just wants to watch TV and play video games/ he thought, smiling. /Actually...Zim usually isn't all that scary. Just loud...and destructive..._

Which reminded him, he hadn't noticed any of the usual signs of Zim having a master plan for a while now...which could only mean he was planning something! Not that his logic made any sense, but it was an excellent excuse to get away from the gurgly screeches of the Vampire Piggies and save himself the risk of somehow attracting Gaz's attention.

Besides, any excuse to spy on Zim was a welcome one...

Meanwhile, said Zim was busy glaring at his computer screen. After arrving at his base, he'd rushed straight to one of his many labs to research these 'dances' and find out what sort of behaviour the humans would be expecting. So far, he'd made one drastic and shocking discovery: at these dances, most humans usually danced.

This was a bit of a problem. Dancing wasn't something he had any intention of doing, especially not with one of these..._horrible_ filthy humans. They did not _deserve_ the **honor** of dancing with ZIM! The very though sent him into little twitchy spasms of disgust.

He turned and marched away from the computer, as if it were its fault for even **suggesting** he do such a thing, and into the elevator. Still, if he planned on completing his mission, he might as well learn. He might HAVE to, for some unknown reason, and as an Invader he must never be caught unprepaired.

He scowled, mighty Irken brain already playing out a worst-case scenario: at this dance one of the foolish humans might notice him not dancing and call it to the attention of others. People would wonder why he didn't dance, they would question, they would investigate, and they would find out that he wasn't exactly a normal human. Tests would be run, autopsies, he would be put on display and the mission would be ruined!

"NO! I cannot allow that to happen! Oh, I will show these _humans_ that I can dance...," a plan was beginning to form, a wonderful and devious plan. "So great will my dancing be, that all will wish to dance with Zim! I will be the dancing KING!" and here he broke into his trademarked evil laughter, completely oblivious to how extremely bad his latest plan was.

Still cackling, he leapt off the toilet (for he was in the house now) and strutted over to the couch. As expected, GIR was staring blankly at the screen, watching what appeared to be a soap opera of sorts. Zim didn't even bother looking at it, having learned the hard way that even a glance at such filth could kill 50 brain cells a second.

"GIR! I need you to teach me how to dance!"

That snapped the little android out of its day-time TV stupor. His torquoise eyes shone brighter with the prospect of actually being able to help his master with something. Dancing was something GIR knew, his territory and element. A realm where he couldn't mess anything up!

With an insane giggle, he leapt off the couch and landed at Zims feet with a sharp salute, momentarily glowing red before flashing his customary idiotic grin. Zim twitched, this was not going to be fun...

Dib leapt gracefully over one of the giant lawn gnomes, dodged a lazer, and jumped out of the grasp of two more gnomes to land with incredible precision in one of the hard-to-find blindspots. It was amazing how he was the only thing the gnomes seemed to target, and Dib took it as a sort of compliment. He was the only human Zim deemed a threat, and with an alien _that_ paranoid, this meant a lot. Or just..not...he shrugged, gnome-musings could wait until he was done spying.

He peered carefully in the slanted windows, camera ready...

And had to quickly bit his lip to keep from gasping, choking, or laughing. Maybe all at once, and that would definately blow his cover. He thought he'd been prepaired for anything, since he was dealing with an alien and all... but nothing could have ever prepaired him for this! He grinned and readied his camera, he just couldn't miss a shot like this.

Inside the base, GIR was teaching Zim a few of the 'basic' dance steps (meaning he did whatever came to mind, which always worked for him anyway...). He'd been doing pretty well, actually, and was now writhing along with GIR in relative ease. He'd mastered the moves GIR had dubbed 'the wiggle,' 'the jumpy-hop thingy,' 'the whoosh,' and 'the thrashy wriggly thingy.' He had a profound suspicion that GIR really didn't know exactly what he was doing, but since it always seemed to work for the robot and since he was doing so well, he decided it didn't matter much.

After a few minutes, though, they were interrupted by a blinding flash and a muffled curse, followed by very familiar laughter. Zims eyes narrowed dangerously, all too familiar with this scene...

Almost instantly, the door flew open to reveal Dib, curled up and clutching his sides in laughter, camera gripped tightly and protectively to his chest. He held up a hand in a sign of peace, unable to stop laughing long enough to do anything else.

"Dib-human! What is the meaning of this?" Demanded a very confused Zim, accepting Dibs momentary truce. There was nothing for Dib to gain from that picture, he'd been in disguise. So why had he taken it? "And just what are you _laughing_ at, anyway?"

"S-sorry, Zim...Don't destroy my camera this time..," gasped a very out-of-breath Dib. When was the last time he'd laughed like that? Had he ever?

"Rrr...ANSWER ZIM! What are you doing here? Why did you take that picture?" Zims paranoia wouldn't let him take this calmly any longer. Dib was his archnemesis and trying to expose him, for one, and having Dib laugh at him made the little Irken self-conscious, which made him angry, which made him violent, and so on.

Finally regaining some semblance of composure, Dib stood to face Zim, camera still clutched to his chest. "I'm here because I thought you'd be planning something stupid to take over Earth," he said, respecting the truce.

"My plans are never stupid, pitiful Earth-stink! You are just too inferior to understand the GENIOUS that is ZIM!" He snapped caustically. Dibs honest answer had done nothing to soothe his fears or wounded ego. "Now, why were you laughing at ZIM?"

Dib felt a small pang of guilt. He knew the Invader was as self-conscious as he was egotistical, and his pride was part of what made him so much fun to battle. However, he couldn't surpress a grin as he answered.

"I just saw you and GIR dancing... and I wasn't expecting it," he barely finished the sentance before he burst into another fit of laughter, earning an irate glare from Zim.

"Insignificant human! You mock the dancing of ZIM?" Zim was obviously worked up over this. /Stupid Dib...if this weren't a truce, I'd kill him/ he thought, glowering.

"No, you're a great dancer," Dib said automatically. He blinked. Having so little human contact sure had made him honest...he couldn't remember either his last conversation or the last actual lie he'd told.

Zim wasn't expecting Dib to compliment him. He squinted at the human suspiciously, looking for any signs of a trap or deception. Finding none, his contact-covered eyes widened in surprise, then he grinned. Hurt ego restored (and, if possible, increased), he smirked at Dib in his superior manner and waved at him.

"Yes, yes, very well then," he said, waving a gloved hand as if to shoo Dib. He turned to face his door and, either forgetting he was talking or assuming nobody could hear him, he proclaimed, "Yes...my plan is working! My genious is truly amazing..."

Dib crossed his arms, also smirking. He _knew_ Zim was planning something! This was going well...

"Plan, Zim? Since I'm going to stop it anyway, you might as well fill me in." This earned him an angry glare from the alien, offended at Dibs presumptiousness. How dare he think he can ruin any plan of Zims before he even heard it! Zims plans were ALWAYS brilliant, Dib just got luck! A lot...

"Very well, Dib-beast. If you think you can foil my wonderful plan, then I welcome the challenge! With my _amazing_ dancing abilities, I shall entrance all of the filthy worm-babies at the..**skool**," he said this with extreme disgust, like its very existance was apalling, "and I shall rule them all as the King of Dance! Brilliant, no?"

Dib was speechless. No, speechless didn't begin to describe it. More like catatonic. He stood motionless, staring at Zim in disbelief. After about 10 minutes of stunned silence and gleeful anticipation, Dib finally recovered.

"You...you can **not** be serious! Thats-"

"Brilliant! Yes, I know! You have not the words to describe Zims overwhelming superiority, no?" gloated the alien, incredibly pleased with himself.

"No! Thats a horrible idea! Just...," he shook his head, there were no words to describe the stupidity of that mass of nonesense Zim was spouting. "Come up with a better plan. I'm going home." For some reason, the human felt irrationally tired. The laughter combined with his brain trying to make Zims plan make sense was exausting.

Zim glared again. If Dib wasn't even going to try to stop him, then there must be a flaw somewhere. He'd even told him to come up with a _better_ plan! Foolishness! He would show the Dib-creature...**_nobody_** mocked Zims brilliant plans! But now...he needed to think...

"Begone with you, miserable human! You shall yet see the brilliance that is ZIM! GNOMES! Remove the Dib!" he shouted angrily, then stormed inside and slammed the purple door violently. This distracted Dib long enough for a particularly close gnome to grab him and drag him off the property. He was spared a brutal pummeling by hitting the ground running the second it dropped the leg it was dragging him by. Camera still held close, he sprinted from the strange house towards his own, feeling oddly uplifted and cheerful.

Zim leaned against the door, arms crossed and apparantly deep in thought. Maybe his latest plan wasn't any good. Dib never just rejected his plans like that...he sighed, shaking his head.

_I didn't find out what he was planning on doing with that picture!_ he mentally kicked himself for neglecting such an important question. As far as he knew, Dib rarely did things without a reason, but what purpose could that picture serve? Drawing a blank, he decided he'd just get it out of the human at skool and destroy it if necessary.

Glancing up, he noticed that GIR had repositioned himself on the couch and was laughing giddily at what appeared to be a cooking show. Deciding he knew how to dance well enough for now, he moved towards one of his many elevators, commanding it to take him to one of the various labs. He needed to think, he had to have a better, even more ingenious plan for Monday. He would show the Dib! He would make sure his plans were never mocked again!


	3. ch 3 part 1

Zim stared moodily at the warped piece of machinary before him, deep in thought. He had been trying to salvage some of the wreakage from GIR's last adventure in his labs, but for the past hour or so he'd just been glowering at the twisted blob of metal as if he blamed it for whatever was troubling him.

A distant explosion reverberated through the dim room, shaking Zim at least partially from his trance.

"Grah! That _miserable_ worm-monkey! How _dare _he mock the incredible plans of _ZIM?_" he began pacing about the little room, waving his arms dramatically as he ranted.

"If there was any kind of a brain at all in that disturbingly large head, he would see the doom that awaits his miserable planet! But no, not the Dib-monkey! Why can't he just be dumb like the rest of his revolting species?" He fumed, kicking another discarded casualty of GIR.

He stormed to the elevator, switching from ranting to mocking Dib.

"I'm _Dib_! I spy on people, and wear stupid little glasses!"

He continued his mockery as the computer carried him to the house level, acting in full like an angry 5-year-old. Except where a 5-year-old would throw a tantrum, Zim blew things up or sent death-bots after people.

He was met with a blast of smoke as he stepped from the elevator, left from the explosion he hadn't noticed earlier. He coughed, waving his arms in an attempt to clear the thick air around him.

"GIR! What did you do?"

"Hi! I made skettios!" The ever-cheerful robot screeched, swinging down through the smoke from somewhere amongst the tangle of wires that made up the ceiling.

"How does making _skettios_ blow a hole in the wall of the base?" More than a hole, an entire wall seemed to be missing. One thing the robot had going for him, he was a master of destruction.

GIR beamed up at Zim, shrugging mindlessly and putting forth all of his cuteness. Zim glared for a minute before succumbing to the adorableness of his side-kick.

"Whatever. Go…clean up the mess you made, or something," he sighed, making his way through the fog to where the couch ought to be. A large portion of it was still there, though half of what was left seemed to have just recently stopped burning. He stared at it skeptically before deciding it probably wasn't safe to sit on.

"Computer, repair the base. I'm going out until repairs are finished," he announced, quickly donning a disguise and ignoring the groaning of the computer as he marched through the new exit.

Once past the oppressive cloud of smoke looming over his house, he made up his mind to spy on Dib. After all, he needed to find out what purpose that picture would serve to set his paranoid mind at ease. Even if the humans did think the Dib was crazy, an Invader could never be too careful.

Dib was sleeping as peacefully as he ever did, tossing and turning in a dream and completely oblivious to the shadowy figure crouched on his windowsill.

Zim slid the window open, using his spider legs to move over and away from the bed. All caution and stealth became rather pointless when he tried to drop to the floor, missed his landing and crashed into a table.

Stacks of papers, books, a lamp, and some dishes crashed to the floor, many of the dishes breaking. The lamp bulb shattered and the lamp sent up a small mushroom cloud, catching some papers on fire. Zim leapt to stop out the fires, flailing and screeching like a rabid monkey.

Somehow, miraculously, Dib slept through it.

Once the chaos had subsided and everything was quiet again, Zim turned to a desk and slid open a drawer.

That woke Dib up.

"Wha- Zim? What are you doing here? Get out of my room!" He yipped, surprised and not fully awake.

"I come to **spy**, Dib-creature! And!" he paused dramatically, "…MAKE ME!"

He laughed maniacally, certain that Dib would have no counter for that, when he was rudely cut off by being whapped upside the head with a pillow. He glared venemously.

"This is WAR, human! WA-mmph!" An alien plushie smacked him in the mouth, successfully silencing the Invader.

Zim grabbed the pillow at his feet and, shrieking his Irken battle cry, he lunged at Dib.

Soon an all-out pillow war was being waged, only a few feathers from a fist fight. Zim's pillow burst, giving Dib the upper-hand, if only momentarily.

"Hah! Gotcha now, space boy!" He sneered, merrily bashing Zim with the pillow with considerable force. Zim tried to ward him off and defend himself, knocking into random furniture, the walls, and falling more than a few times.

Unfortunately, he fell one time too many.

The door slammed open, revealing a very angry, very pink Gaz decked out in her piggy pajamas. Both boys froze, staring towards the door as if it were a portal to hell or something much less pleasant than that. She took a menacing step foreword.

"Dib…some people are _trying_ to **sleep**! You and Zim can play some other time!" She growled, daring them to make another sound. After a moment she turned and walked squeakily away, leaving the two in scared silence.

Silence which was naturally broken by Zim's mouth.

"Hah! Pathetic _Dib_, scared of your little sister?" He sneered.

Thirty seconds later found him on the side-walk in front of the house, disoriented and considerably more bashed up than he had been by the pillow fight. Dib was still being mangled inside, and from the sounds of it, it wasn't going well for him. Zim took only a moment to get used to moving around a probably broken rib before hurrying away from the scene. He didn't plan on walking home so injured, but he didn't want to summon the Voot Cruiser until he was far enough away to keep from turning the wrath of Gaz back on himself.


	4. Dancing

Waking up the next morning was a decision Dib immediately regretted. He was still sore from being the object of Gaz's wrath, which he'd somehow made worse by trying to blame the disturbance on Zim. It _was_ the alien's fault, really, but since she wasn't in the mood to chase him down, Dib had suffered for both of them. Another number on Dib's ever-growing 'Reasons Why I Hate Zim' list.

Luckily for Dib, the weekend had finally come and he was spared having to endure skool. Too bad things never worked in his favor for very long.

He groggily moved to get out of bed, got tangled up in his blankets and tumbled heavily to the floor. On second thought, maybe getting up wasn't such a great idea.

Five minutes after getting comfortably back into bed, Gaz kicked open the door to his room, glaring daggers at him.

"Get up, Dib! Dad's not here and he encrypted the microwave, and I need _your_ access code before I can use it."

"Why not just have cereal for breakfast, like we normally do?"

"Because you _ate_ it all! Now get up!"

If he'd eaten all the cereal again and she was letting him live, maybe complaining wasn't such a good idea.

Meanwhile, Zim was perfecting his dancing skills deep within his lab and trying to ignore the familiar sounds of destruction that indicated GIR was probably trying to cook.

"Computer, if GIR does anything too... GIR-ish, restrain him and repair the base."

"...too GIR-ish?"

"Yes!"

"...Ookaayy..."

The computer wondered how it was possible for a machine to get a headache, then decided that Zim just had that power. He may not be very tall or an excellent Invader, but he had undeniable skill in destroying things and causing pain.

"There! My new 'dance routine' is complete! None shall resist my awesome power of movement! Hmm... if it works, perhaps... GIR!"

A pause.

"GIR! Come to my lab, immediately!"

"He's restrained, like you ordered. You want me to release him?" The computer asked.

"Ye- no, wait. Bring him here, first, _then_ release him!"

Moments later, the dysfunctional robot was dropped into the room, covered in a sticky pink goo which confirmed Zim's suspicion of cooking attempts.

"GIR, my dancing skills are now at their highest. A test is in order! We shall go to one of your revolting 'night clubs' and test my expertise among the humans there. Understand?" He glared at the robot, which was difficult. It's not easy to glare at something running around the room screeching in joy, which was what GIR was doing. Zim sighed and decided GIR probably understood from the shouts of "I's goin' dancin' wit Master!" and so on.

"Minimoose! We're going out! I need you to stay here and gaurd the base. Contact me if you have any trouble, got it?" The little moose squeaked it's affirmative. "Good! Now, for ingenious disguises! Come, GIR!"

A few hours and thousands of disguises later, Zim had found the perfect disguise! "This is it, GIR! Whatcha think?"

"Ooooh... We gon' look so pretty!" Zim decided that was a positive response, and they set out.

A few minutes later they arrived at the club, GIR in his 'little brother/human child' costume, and Zim looking about the same as he normally did in his disguise with the addition of platform shoes and a hat. Very stylin'.

They worked their way to the middle of the dance floor, Zim hardly suppressing his disgust and GIR having a great time of it, and Zim jumped into action.

Before long, people had formed a circle around them to watch. Zim had improvised some Irken fighting moves into the dance, earning some cheers. But of course they were impressed, he was vastly superior, after all! GIR was happily dancing along side him, earning some coo's and aww's just for being so cute, along with plenty of crowd support for his dancing prowess. Together they were the center of attention, and before too long the whole club had come to see what was going on.

"Success, GIR! The whole population of this revolting club has fallen under our mighty dancing spell! Now lets get outta here."

"But Master! I wantz to daance! Dese people so niiice!" The little robot looked sadly at Zim, imploring him to stay for a while longer. Zim groaned.

"If we leave now, GIR, I promise I'll buy you a Suck Munkey on the way home. Deal?"

"Yes, my lord!" GIR saluted and they began battling their way past the throng of people between them and the door, ignoring the disappointed cries that followed them.

Once outside and after Zim had finished his disgust induced retching from the horrors he'd witnessed within the club, he turned again to GIR with an evil glint in his eyes. "GIR, I think I know now how to rid us of the Dib-stink! This dance may prove to be more useful than I thought... come, GIR! I have much work to do!" He cackled evilly.

"But my Suck Munkey! Munkeeeyy! You promised...," the little robot implored, turning the cuteness on full force.

"Eh, fine! We'll get you your filthy snack! But hurry up, I've had about as much of these humans as I can stand for today."

Across town, Dib shuddered, an eerie feeling of doom descending on him as he watched Mysterious Mysteries from the couch. He turned to Gaz.

"Did you feel that just now?"

"...feel _what_?"

"Oh, um, nothing. Say, I haven't done anything to make you mad in the last five minutes or so, have I? Any soda drinking, breaking your gaming concentration, talking..."

"Other than whatever you're doing now, no...," she glared at him, "why?"

He shook his head. "I just got this weird feeling, like-"

"If you say anything about being abducted or a Nosferatu attack, I swear I'm going to rip your tongue out and strangle you with it."

Dib stared at his frightening sister for a moment, then decided that watching TV was safer than a conversation, ignoring the feeling that someone, somewhere, was laughing maniacally about something stupid.

At that moment, Zim suddenly stopped laughing with the uncomfortable feeling that he was being ignored.


	5. 5 Doom and Gretchen

Zim tested out his new-found dancing skills in two other clubs over the course of the weekend, for once taking the precaution of testing whether the first results were a fluke or not. He would have to tell his Tallest about that, they would be proud to see an Invader taking such care in his plans. Not that it was needed, of course, any of Zim's plans would be enough to destroy this revolting ball of dirt! But, with the Dib around, one could never be too careful...

The results of his experiments were always the same, though. Zim's confidence seemed to have tripled by the time he walked into Ms. Bitters' class on Monday. So great had his ego become, some of the students could almost swear he looked _taller_, which only made it worse.

Dib glared at him from his place across the room. This new confidence called for some serious taunting and ego-deflation… And what better person for the job than Dib?

He shot a wary glance at the droning teacher, who hadn't slipped far enough into her coma of dooming to risk pestering Zim yet. Ah well, it could wait until lunch. He got out a sheet of paper and began drawing to pass time.

First he drew Zim without his disguise, naturally. Around the alien sprang up a test-tube, wires and monitors. He drew himself standing triumphantly in the background, wearing a lab coat.

By the time Dib had finished his newest artistic masterpiece, it was almost lunchtime. He crumpled the picture into a ball, changed his mind about it's destination, and threw it at Zim. It bounced off the alien's head, snapping him out of what Dib guessed was a dream of conquering Earth. Stupid jerk.

Zim snatched up the paper angrily, glancing around the room to find the lowly creature insolent enough to dare throw something at his superior head. His eyes met Dib's glare.

Fuming, he straightened the paper, eyes narrowing dangerously as he scanned the drawing before he leapt up on the table.

"Pitiful human! I yearn for the day when I crush your sick fantasies of victory! You will bow to ZIM! And ZIM SHALL RULE!"

Dib merely laughed, glad to at least have gotten that stupid arrogant look off his face and replaced with a more suitable anger.

"Zim! You've disturbed the class for the last time today," hissed an ominous shadow which had appeared behind Zim. A quick flash of black and the shadow had taken the form of Ms. Bitters.

"...but, this is the first thing I've said-"

"QUIET! You are to remain in the classroom for twenty minutes after the lunch bell rings."

"But-No! It was the Dib's fault!" he screeched, brandishing the picture. "He threw this... _monstrosity_ at my perfectly normal boy head!"

Ms. Bitters glanced skeptically at the paper. "Very good, Dib, but if you want to be creative, do so on your own time! Independent thought takes away from your ability to learn."

The lunch bell rang and a stampede of hungry, cheering students fled the room before she could begin on a new rant about how public education was also doomed. That's not to say she stopped talking, though, and Zim was left to suffer through it as Dib edged his way around them and out the door.

"I will get you for this, Dib! Curse yoouuuuuuuu!"

Dib was still laughing when he reached the cafeteria, earning a few odd looks from the students who still paid any attention. He ignored them and went about collecting his lunch.

He paused upon reaching his usual table. There was no sign of Gaz. In her place, there was a very nervous-looking Gretchen, caked in what appeared to be some sort of tribal make-up or something. Possibly war paint.

"Gretchen?" He raised a brow questioningly at her. While it _was_ only Gretchen, and cruelty was probably beyond her, his whole life was dominated by paranoia for a good reason. People were frequently either cruel or paranormal monsters, and one could never be too cautious.

"Oh! Uh, Dib, hi," She smiled awkwardly at him, showing off her oh-so-dazzling dental work. He set his tray down, but remained standing and discreetly looking for either any traps or his sister.

"Where's Gaz?"

"Oh, uh, she left... she said, like, my being her kinda bothered her, so, uh, she was going outside, I think..."

Well, that sounded enough like something Gaz would say to ease some of his suspicions. He sat down, though he kept his eyes fixed on Gretchen. So he was unreasonably paranoid. After all he'd been through in his short life, who wouldn't be?

"So... uh, Dib... are- are you going... t-to the.. the dance?"

He rolled his eyes, which she thankfully didn't notice. Was he going? Did he even have a choice in the matter? What was she getting at?

"The _mandatory _dance? Yeah."

"Oh, well, I was kinda, you know, wondering if maybe you'd... go.. with me?" She looked like at that moment she was ready to explode or hoping to miraculously disappear.

Dib stared, shocked. "Uh, what? Say that again?"

"N-never mind! Sorry!" She got up to leave, and almost had by the time Dib recovered from the initial shock of what she'd said.

"No, it's okay! I'm just.. this is weird," Said the amateur paranormal investigator. "I'll go with you, I guess... sure."

She shrieked joyfully, drawing the attention of almost everyone in the cafeteria and making Dib seriously regret his decision. Ah well, nothing for it now... if only she'd stop with the screaming!

Fortunately her lung capacity wasn't that impressive and the terrible sound ceased. She proceeded to launch herself across the table at Dib, latching on to his neck in a frighteningly aggressive manner for such a shy girl and almost strangling him.

"Oh wow, thanks Dib!" The realization that she was rather brutally hugging him struck and she leapt away as though she'd been shocked. "I, uh, I have to go! S-see you at the dance!"

With that, she bolted, leaving Dib more shocked and confused than he'd been in a long time, and suddenly very much not hungry anymore. Rather, he felt sort of sick, and the bubbling mass of what appeared to be tar wasn't doing much to whet his appetite.

He dumped the tray and headed outside to look for Gaz, dimly hoping that talking to her would clear some of this weirdness up.


	6. Lunchtime

Zim burst into the cafeteria, flattening an unfortunate boy behind the door as he flung it open and attracting a great deal of attention. Not good. Under normal circumstances, he'd begin trying to divert attention by proclaiming how normal he was, but no. His main focus right then, above even the Mission, was to hunt down and destroy Dib for making him endure 20 minutes of Ms. Bitters by himself.

Ignoring the curious gaze of the students, he stormed to Dib's usual, oddly vacant table.

"Cowardly worm! You are WISE to hide from ZIM! For when I find you...," he slammed a fist dramatically on the table, finding no words for the pain Dib would endure once he was found. "For too long have you been a throne in my side"

"Thorn. You mean a thorn in your side. Who are you talking to, anyway?" corrected a random kid who apparantly hadn't learned yet that not only was Zim crazy, but also spoke rather mangled English.

Unfortunately for the kid, Zim now had a target for his rage.

"Ignorant squid! You DARE to correct the amazing speech of Zim! I AM ZIIM! You dare accuse your future ruler of incorrectness?"

The poor boy stared wide eyed and nervous as Zim launched into a full-fledged rant. Others, seeing Zim was distracted and glad they weren't the object of his attention, returned to their eating and conversations, leaving Zim's target to his fate.

Dib shuffled up to Gaz, his brows furrowed in thought.

"Gaz, you're a girl, right?"

His rhetorical question was met with a brief yet venemous glare.

"Get to the point, Dib. Get to the point and leave," she said, marking her book and actually sparing him some of her attention.

"Um, okay. Well, this girl, Gretchen, just... asked me to the dance. I mean, for the first thing, what's the point? We all have to go, so it doesn't make any sense to ask someone specifically to go with you, right? And she was acting all weird... Granted, she's pretty weird in the first place, but-"

"It means she likes you, Dib. She probably finds something about your big head attractive and she's dumb enough not to let your weirdness get in the way. Are you really that dense?"

He stared at the scary girl as she snapped her book open, processing what she'd said. After a while, he mumbled "Oh..," and sat down against a nearby tree, not even bothering to defend his head and paying no heed to the angry Zim-screeches and quiet sobs coming from inside.

"...So?"

"Huh?"

"You declined, right?"

"Oh. Actually, no. I said I'd go with her and she got all... creepily cheerful."

_Thunk_

Gaz stared at him, book slipping from her fingers. "You're kidding me. My brother, the paranormal weirdo, actually has a DATE? A _human_ date?"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded indignantly. "Why wouldn't I have a date? And why wouldn't she be human?"

"Well, you're going to spend the entire time chasing after or stalking Zim anyway. It'd make sense if you just went with him," she shrugged, quickly recovering both her composure and her book. Dib stared at her as though she'd just admitted to being a vampire or werepig or something.

"Gaz, it's my duty to defend the Earth from Zim! Not dance with him! How does that make any sense? Besides, he's an alien! Do you have any idea how crazy I'd look if I went with him?"

"About as crazy as you look staring at him all the time and obsessing over him. Don't even say it." she interrupted him the moment he opened his mouth and brandished her book menacingly. "I'm halfway through this chapter and I either finish my book or make you regret ever waking up this morning."

Effectively silenced, he opted for fuming silently under his tree. Though, between Zim and Gretchen, he'd choose the one with the least annoying speech and ego problems. But alas, he had already agreed to go with Gretchen, and not only were he and Zim mortal enemies, but the suggestion would probably get him laughed at anyway. The concept of dates to a mandatory event was stupid, he decided, but what the heck. If it meant so much to Gretchen he could probably endure, and he might even get to survive the night if he had a date. What Gaz had said was true, too; he'd probably spend the night hounding Zim and not have to put up with the girl for more than half of it, at most.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all...

"-and THAT is why the sloth is not your friend" Zim finished, leaping off the table and sneering smugly at the boy, who seemed to have aged 60 years since the start of Zim's rant. His hair had greyed, and lines of trauma had formed around the poor kid's face. Old Kid was no longer alone.

Zim whirled around and marched away, successfully distracted from the cause of his former anger and feeling much better. Before long, the bell would ring and call them back inside, but he could live with that. Because not too much later, skool would let out and he could return to his base and immerse himself in a different brand of insanity for a while. And take off the stupid, itchy wig and scratchy lenses...

"Heya buddy!"

He screamed as Keef popped up directly in from of him.

"I know I'm not supposed to come near you and all, but you see, Gretchen and I were talkin', and I was wondering if maybe you n' me could go to the dance together! It'd be so much fun! Whattaya say, buddy?" The red-head laced an arm around Zim's sholders, beaming hopefully at him. Zim backhanded him with enough force to knock him a good three feet back.

"Are you _insane_? Me, ZIM, dance with _you_? What horrible madness do you possess, Earth boy?"

"Aw, come on, buddy! You're still my best friend forever! Best friends don't let best friends go to dances alone! And you know I like spending time with you, and this could be fun! Right, Zim?"

Zim stared at him. "What, exactly, is wrong with going alone? I'm sure it is a perfecrly NORMAL thing to do, yes...?"

"No! Gosh, Zim, if you go alone, you'll be marked as a social outcast _forever_! Please go with me, Zim! For your own good!"

This was actually a tough choice. Risk the mission and his life, or spend time with Keef. He shook his head in disgust at what he was about to do. The Tallest had better be pleased...

"FINE, Keef. I accept your- hey, waitaminute! The DIB is going with someone! Who?"

"Oh, didn't ya hear? Guess not, being in Ms. Bitters room and all..."

"Get to the point! Answer Zim!"

Keef laughed, happy to be in Zim's company again for some reason. "Gretchen! She asked him today! I was so happy, I thought those two would never hook up! This dance finally gave her the chance to talk to him. Isn't it great?" He beamed at the appalled alien.

"Great? How is this 'great?' Why does _she_ pay him special attention?" he turned from Keef to rant more privately. "This dance could have been my one chance to be rid of him for good! But now, with this... _Gretchen_ creature in the picture, my plans will be pointless!" He spun around again to face Keef. "I accept your offer, Keef. But now I am sick. I'm going home."

He turned and stalked out, bad mood once again enshrouding him as he stormed from the school to his base.

This Gretchen had somehow managed to foil his plans before he'd gotten a chance to use them. Even if she hadn't, with her around they might not have even worked on the Dib. This human girl had caused him far too much trouble... but maybe he could somehow work around her. He would have to see... but first, to the base for some much needed brooding time.

Dib walked back in to the cafeteria see an excessively happy Gretchen and Keef dancing together on a table. Badly.

His heart sank at the sight, regretting deeply his decision to go with Gretchen. Maybe he'd get lucky and she'd break her leg or something, or had changed her mind and asked Keef. Of course, the thought of being rejected for Keef didn't exactly cheer him up, but watching the pair dance was downright scary.

Wrenching his vision away from the scene, he scanned the room for Zim, who by all means should have been freed by then. But no.

The bell sounded, luring the children back to their respective classrooms. As the herd moved down the hallway, Dib looked for a flash of green to reveal Zim. His suspicions were fully aroused by the time class started and there was still no sign of the Invader. The joyous Keef was pretty unusual too, now that he thought of it.

He looked at the clock, wincing at the time left until freedom. No choice but to wait, though... wait, and try not to think of the havock Zim could wreak while he sat in school waiting for the bell to ring.

As Ms. Bitters droned on, he picked up a pencil and began to draw.


	7. Keef is Creepy

Zim slammed the door behind him and flattened himself against it, panting. He'd felt like he was being followed all the way home, and kept glimpsing flashes of blue and orange out of the corner of his advanced eyes. He wasn't too concerned, though, this was the after-affect of his and Keef's brief 'friendship.' Now any dealings with that particular deranged human left him in a hyper-paranoid state for a while.

And to think, he'd promised to go to the dance with him!

Ah, the dance...

His eyes narrowed dangerously as he thought of it and all that it entailed.

First, there was the whole 'Keef being in the same room as Zim' thing. That didn't sit well with the little Irken, in fact it made him rather queasy. Of all the horrible Earth children he'd come across, Keef was the worst. Even _Dib_ paled in comparison with the over-enthusiastic redhead.

Then, of course, having to feign normalcy for the extended amount of time he would be forced to endure in that miserable 'learning' facility. That alone was enough to make him cringe, even without the rest of the student body being there.

Third, the 'Dib being in the same room as Zim' thing, which never worked out well for anybody. They'd probably get caught up in some war, trash the place, blow a few things up, then both get stuck in detention with a less-than-pleased Ms. Bitters.

Zim had to laugh at that. His war with Dib was generally amusing, and blowing things up was one of his favorite hobbies. Maybe there would be _some_ things about this dance that didn't suck after all.

He abruptly stopped chuckling, eyes darkening again as he thought of another annoyance. Gretchen.

That's right, if Dib was with her, then that would mean he wouldn't be warring with him! And he was ZIM! With the Dib distracted, he would have no one to fight with! Nothing to blow up! Not to mention him being left to endure Keef on his own. He shuddered violently at the thought.

He stormed off to the elevator, mood blackened, and put his disgruntled thoughts into words.

"Ugh! Where does that **disgusting** human get off distracting the Dib from me? From **_ZIM_**! Does she not _know_ that we're enemies? And as such, he _must_ battle me! Not grow slack and... _hang out_," these words laden with disgust, "with some pathetic, large toothed stink-beast!"

The computer groaned as Zim entered his lab, still ranting animatedly about the audacity of Gretchen. Did she not know she could be endangering the entire fate of the world? Shouldn't she care that she was distracting the planets sole defender?

"Fine!" Zim shouted randomly, as though actually involved in an argument. "I'll just have to force Dib to concentrate on his** MOST IMPORTANT** job! Doesn't he know how boring conquering this dirt-ball would be if he just decide to be _normal_? Stupid big headed fool."

He jumped onto his chair, grumbling quietly to himself as he formulated a plan. Dib wouldn't forget his place after this... oh, no.

Maybe this dance wouldn't be a waste, after all.

Dib impatiently waited out the rest of the day. He tried sleeping to pass time and ease boredom, but a loud exclamation of doom from his teacher or mysterious spitballs from his lovely classmates always jarred him awake. Zim was gone and looking at his desk made him jumpy, and elsewhere in the classroom Gretchen was making googly eyes at him, so his only options were to either pay attention or stare sullenly out the window. His pencil had broken a while back, and sharpeners were 'an unnecessary strain on budget,' so drawing was out of the question.

Finally, at long last, the bell rang. He practically flew from his seat and dashed for the door, only to fall backwards with a yelp when Gretchen appeared right in front of him from seemingly nowhere.

"Gyaa! Ah- bu- wha.. Where'd you come from?" He stammered, stumbling over words in alarm. Gretchen just smiled crookedly at him, then glanced behind him for a moment. Surprise fading, he turned as well, just in time to catch the end of Keef mouthing something.

"What was tha-"

"So, Dib!" She interjected, not stuttering or stumbling for once. "Since you're my, uh, m-my ...date, and all, do you maybe want to, you know, walk home together?"

"You ride the bus and we live in opposite directions. Besides, I kinda have something planned for this afternoon, so if you'll excuse me..." he said, trying to step around her.

"You really should, Dib! It'd be the _nice_ thing to do," Keef said, blocking Dib's escape. He could have been imagining it, but there seemed to be a trace of malice in Keef's usually chipper voice. Creepy.

Dib opened his mouth, ready with a clever retort and excuse, but a trembling whimper from Gretchen holding the promise of screeching sobs in the near future made him sigh and hang his head in defeat.

"Fine, whatever, but after this I really have something I _need_ to do! Okay?"

Gretchen happily squealed her consent and, grabbing him roughly by the arm, went skipping merrily from the classroom.

Keef grinned as he watched them depart, waving vigorously before hastily making his way from the school in the direction of Zim's base.


	8. Gretchen lives far away

Zim looked up sharply, distracted from his thoughts by the shrill ringing of the doorbell. Snarling about the inadequate security system and its constant need of up-grade, he stalked towards the elevator.

Disguise in place, he yanked open the front door fully prepared to tell whoever it was that he was not interested in what they were selling and that they'd gotten the wrong address. Instead, and much to his surprise and horror, he was practically tackled back into the house as thin arms wrapped around him.

"Heya buddy! Wow, Zim, it's so great to see you again!" Keef was beaming like an idiot, oblivious to the fact that Zim would soon be coming out of shock and be very, very angry.

"Wha- Keef!" He smacked the boy away in disgust, and none too gently. Keef didn't seem to mind as he tumbled over the couch and onto GIR.

"Hey GIR! I haven't seen you in a while, huh!" GIR squealed and waved his nubby dog-arms, apparently very happy to see Keef again as the human picked himself up.

"KEEF! What are you doing here? I said I would go to the wretched dance with you, what more do you want?" Zim demanded, panting with the sheer exhausting force of his rage.

Keef winked at GIR and they both giggled, which did nothing to ease Zim's mood.

"Well, ya know, Zim, I was just thinkin' we could hang out before the dance, too! Wouldn't that be fun? Just like the old days! Yay!"

"Keef..." Zim's tone was low and dangerous, "this is... actually not that hard for me to say, but the _reason_ the 'old days' are over is because I hate you. So very, ver-"

"Ah, it's okay, I understand, Zim!" Keef cut in, obviously not understanding or just not caring. "I was just thinkin' since we'd be spending time together _anyway_, it'd be a great chance to hang out! What do you say? Huh?" Keef's bright green eyes held a spark of determination and resolve befitting an action hero, which went completely unnoticed by Zim.

"No! I want you out of my house! NOW!" He pointed firmly at the door. Keef, however, was cheerfully telling GIR all about how great the dance was going to be and paying no heed to Zim's request.

A thought suddenly struck Zim, and he grinned evilly.

"Okay, _Keef_, as a token of our... _friendship_," he shuddered as he said that, the word dripping with distaste, "I'm going to make you a nice **present**. You stay here with GIR."

"Oh boy! A present! You'd really go through all that trouble for _me_? Wow, Zim! I didn't know you cared!" His eyes watered, memory blissfully free of the last present Zim had given him and the kind squirrel-alien army which had helped to repair him. Boy, what an adventure that had been!

Zim hastily made his way to the kitchen and into a lab entrance out of Keef's direct line of sight, mighty brain rushing through possible Keef-disposal devices which could be made in a brief amount of time. As long as GIR was up there to keep him distracted, things should go well.

Dib stared gloomily down at the side-walk as he trudged along, an oddly emboldened Gretchen clutching his arm in her sweaty palm and babbling mercilessly on about how bad soda was for her gargantuan braces, but she chugged it anyway.

"Uh-huh. That's... that's fascinating, really..." He mumbled when she paused for breath. How far away did this girl live, anyway? They'd been walking for at least thirty minutes, though it could have been an eternity as far as Dib knew.

First there had been awkward silence, which Dib was pretty okay with. A sudden surge of courage hit Gretchen, and she'd struck up some semi-normal conversation, mainly interrogation about Dib's favorite whatever, which answered dutifully. From there, things had sort of spiraled out of control and Dib had begun looking at his watch more than at his preoccupied companion.

He was about ready to hurl himself into the street at a passing car when she finally announced that they were there.

It was a nice enough house, not as big as Dib's, but there were plenty of worse ones around. Very average, nondescript, suburban. Dib had no hope of ever being able to find it again even if he wanted to.

"Okay, well, that was... fun. See ya tomorrow, then! Bye!" And he took off running, leaving her staring after him with a mixture of surprise, hurt, and joy.

Dib had to literally drag himself up to Zim's gate, which he leaned against as he tried to gather strength he didn't have left. He had run the full length from Gretchen's to Zim's, which would take about two hours to walk. He had been more eager to face Zim than he'd realized. Or maybe it was just the after-effect of Gretchen's company, who could tell, really?

After catching his breath, he made his way cautiously to the front door, amazingly not being attacked by anything. Odd. Security must be down or something. That wouldn't be a first.

The door popped open as he was reaching for the knob, and he was met with cold emerald eyes.

"Yaah!"

"Dib, what are _you_ doing here? Did you take Gretchen home?" Demanded the scary red-head.

"Uh, yeah. What are you doing here? Why are you in Zim's house? And where is he?" Finding Keef opening Zim's door like he belonged there was not something Dib had been prepared for.

"_ZIM_ is downstairs, making me a present!" Keef practically got all giddy again at the thought, but caught himself.

"A present? Are you insane? He's an evil alien monster! No present from him could be anything good!"

Keef's eyes darkened. Zim and Dib might really be bestest friends, but there was no way he could talk about Zim like that! No matter what kind of dysfunctional friendship they might have!

"You know, Dib, he might make you stuff too if you weren't so mean to him all the time!" Because it was obviously a matter of jealousy. Dib just wanted Zim to pay attention to him too! Keef wasn't fooled by that 'alien monster' crap.

Dib just stared at him. "Did he hypnotize you or something? Some kind of crazy alien mind-controlling technology? What's his plan, Keef? Regular mind-control makes too much sense for him, there isn't enough flair. Hmm... That horrible pimple thing was more his style," he mused out-loud, though he obviously was not fond of the memory of Pustulio.

So enraptured with his thoughts was Dib that he didn't notice Keef slam the door. He mechanically began walking away regardless, body having gotten accustomed to his odd habits and being shut out of Zim's. Walking home on autopilot was a conditioned response.

Meanwhile, back inside, Keef had returned to his usual chipper self as far as the outside world was concerned. Internally was a different story. Of all things, he was brooding. He needed to think of some way to keep Dib occupied with Gretchen and far, far away from Zim.

Speaking of, he needed to check how the plan had gone on her end. He found the phone on the end-table under it's blanket of wrappers and dishes and quickly dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Heya Gretch! How'd it go with Dib?"

"Oh, Keef!" She giggled maniacally for a moment. "It went great! Everything is going perfectly!"

"Aw, wow! But next time, can you keep him a little longer? He came over, like I thought he would... and he was talkin' pretty crazy again!" They both laughed.

"Okay, but what should I do?"

"Uh, hey, I know! Go get food or something! GIR likes Krazy Taco, maybe you could take Dib there!"

Their scheming went on for a while longer, sounding no more sinister than some 5-year-olds playing Barbie.

Deep within his labs, Zim glared at the screen before him.

"So, they have a _plan_, do they? The Dib may be on to something with that hypnosis theory thingy of his..." He hissed, closing the screen. He'd heard all he needed to hear.


	9. Keef is annoying

Uber-long delay. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

* * *

"Heya buddy! Wow, Zim, I didn't know your house was so big! It took me forever to find you!" 

Zim screamed as Keef skipped merrily into his lab, dropping the beaker he was holding. The glass container shattered against the floor, the pinkish-purple contents oozing around glass shards before a drain opened up, cleaning the mess then reforming as part of the floor. Zim stared slack-jawed as the efforts of the afternoon disappeared, leaving no trace of his brilliant work. The beaker had held a highly potent mind-control serum, which had taken the entire afternoon to perfect. He had, of course, made a few improvements to each experemental batch, so it had taken considerably longer than it should have. A drop of the fluid in the beaker could have put a whale in a coma, but is should've been fine for use on Keef...

"Boy, I'm sorry Zim. Did I scare ya? Huh?" Keef beamed at his bestest friend, quickly forgetting the broken beaker.

Zim whirled around to face him, eyes narrowed into furious slits. "Keef..." he hissed, raising a shaky fist to eye level to express anger he had no words for.

"Yeah, Zim?"

"You need to leave. Now." Zim would rather not have to brutally murder his date type thing for the dance until after he'd served his purpose, and in order for that to happen, he needed to not be anywhere near him.

"Aww, but Zim! You said you were gonna make me somethin'!" Keef whined.

"I _did_. You BROKE it," he snarled. "GIR! SHOW KEEF OUT!" He screeched, seeing the human open his mouth to speak, most likely in his defense.

The little robot appeared, doggy suit intact and in duty mode, and dragged Keef to the elevator.

As he was being hauled away and the door was closing, Keef called out "Okay! See ya tomorrow, buddy!"

Zim screamed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dib was being faced with his own problems. He had the phone propped lazily against his shoulder, not even half listening to the stream of babble coming from the other end. 

"How did you get my number, anyway?" He interrupted, the first thing he'd said since 'hello.'

"Oh, uh, it was in the book," Gretchen answered, matter-of-factly. She was also blatantly lying. Due to the great Professors fame and to limit the amount of scary stalker fans, the number was not listed in any public access book. Suspicious, but the girl had continued her ramblings, and Dib doubted he'd get a straight answer if he asked again, so he let it drop for the moment.

She continued her one-sided discussion on the worst flavor of popsicles as if he'd said nothing, and he set the phone down and picked up a magazine. He could still hear the static buzz of her voice so he'd know if and when she wound down or said something warranting some kind of response, but there were other things he could be devoting his attention to.

After about an hour of this, though, his remaining sanity was screaming for mercy.

"Gretchen! I, uh, have another call! I'll see ya tomorrow, 'kay? Bye!" He interrupted, hanging up quickly and tossing the phone away as though it would bite him.

"Sounds like she really likes you."

Dib whirled around at the sound of the smug voice to face Gaz, who was leaning in the doorway sneering at him.

"What the- Gaz!" He yelped, rather surprised to see his younger sibling actually put herself voluntarily in his presence.

She graced him with an explanation. "You've been acting way too normal lately. Mysterious Mysteries has been on for half an hour, and I come up here to see if you're dead and you're on the phone? There's something not right going on here. You've upset the balance of the universe."

He blinked at her unusually long speech. "You _never_ talk to me that much! I think you might be right about the balance of the universe thing. Hmm..." He mused over that for a moment before sudden realization struck. "NO! Mysterious Mysteries was a new episode tonight!"

In his haste to reach the big TV in time for the last segment, he pushed past Gaz. The universe was not so off-balance that she could let that slide, however, and so terrible vengeance was wrought. Painfully.

* * *

Zim emerged cautiously from his labs the next morning, having had the computer scan the perimeter of the base four times for any trace of Keef. Each scan had come up clear, but he wasn't taking any chances. 

After creeping cautiously through the kitchen with still no sign of his tormentor, his confidence again began to build. He was back to full swagger by the time he'd reached the door and had begun whistling as he made his way through his yard to the sidewalk.

"G'moring, Zim! Didja sleep well?"

Zim shrieked and jumped back several feet as Keef popped up from beside the fence, where he'd presumably spent the night if the crumpled sleeping bag and candy bar wrappers were any indication.

Zim gawked at him from his spot on the sidewalk, shocked and utterly speechless. Keef just smiled and continued talking.

"Surprised ya, huh, Zim? Heehee, you shoulda seen the look on your face!" He giggled, pulling Zim up and leading him foreword. "Wow, this is gonna be just SO MUCH FUN!"

Zim snapped back to reality and promptly smacked Keef away again. The child was going to have some nasty bruises if he didn't start being careful.

"Keef! WHY are you STILL HERE! Don't you have anything better to do!"

"Not really. So anyway, I was thinkin' we could do somethin' after school today! How about getting ice-cream? I _love_ ice-cream! Do you wanna get ice-cream, Zim?"

"..._NO_, Keef. I have... plans, for this afternoon," he hissed. Keef's face fell, much to Zim's delight.

"Oh... well, maybe I can come?" He asked hopefully.

"NO! No, it's... personal business. Uh, doctors appointment!" That excuse ran rampant in all rooms save Ms. Bitters, who instead got lines about vampires and exploding school buses. Zim had picked it up from Billy Slunchy, his 'faithful' informer.

He grinned, an idea hatching in his mighty brain. "Why don't you take GIR into the city for a while? He sure loves the city, and I don't get to take him there much..."

"Oh, boy, that sounds great, Zim! GIR is such a good dog, you remember that one time, with the suprise party and how he helped buy decorations and the cake, and I don't really remember the party that well, but I'm sure it was just great! And then that other time..."

Keef kept up his cheerful speech about how great a little doggy GIR was until they reached the school. By the time they'd reached the steps, Zim had tried and succeeded in tripping him 58 times, with only three failures. Keef had occasionally managed to catch a post of fence to regain balance, and the idea that the incredible Zim, his bestest friend, would try to trip him never even crossed his mind.

As always, Keef abuse managed to lift his spirits some, especially when Keef was the cause of his misery, and he managed to keep a relatively good mood until they reached the building and saw Dib, thoroughly cornered by Gretchen with no hope of escape.

This was unacceptable. How did the human expect Zim to start his day without the usual morning confrontation? When would he learn that Zim was his chief concern, not some puny Earth child!

Even the oblivious Keef noted the sudden change of attitude. He backed cautiously away, words halting in mid-sentence as a feeling of doom filled the air.

He stormed across the skoolyard, grabbed Gretchen by a pigtail, and tossed her away. After watching her sail a few yards back with a satisfied smirk, he turned to confront Dib.

"HUMAN! What is the meaning of this! Do I take this lack of interest as your surrender and declare Earth defeated? Are you giving up our battles for some GIRL!"

Dib glared back, secretly grateful and very amused with Zim's removal of Gretchen. "Of course not! We're going to the dance together, while YOU go suffer alone! You know, I'm sure they'll find out you're not human after they take you away. Dad said they do horrible tests on the social failures to find their flaw; do you _really_ think you can escape this time?" He smirked, self-confident.

"Hah, wrong as always, Dib-worm! I too have a date, like and NORMAL Earth-larva would! That doesn't mean I neglected my mission, unlike a certain big-headed planetary defender..."

"My head's not big! And who would want to go with a lizard like _you_?"

He almost regretted having to answer that. No, he did regret it. "..Keef. But you're going with Gretchen! HAH! Pathetic!"

"At least she's a girl!" He retorted, surprised not only that Zim had a date, but a little unbelieving of his identity. Zim accepting Keef as anything except a target for stress relief seemed unlikely and weird.

"SO?" The alien was, again, oblivious to what was and was not acceptable on Earth.

Dib just glared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "Nevermind. You're too stupid to understand anyway," he sneered, baiting Zim's temper.

Zim snapped something at him, but the screeching of the bell drowned him out. Children rushed in a mooing herd into the building, nearly trampling the pair arguing near the stairs.

Today had the makings of a long day.

* * *

Yay new chapter! Sorry for the horrible delay, I haven't had time to do much of anything. My computer has just been sitting, gathering dust and making sad neglected computer sounds because it wasn't turned on in three weeks. But I'm alive, and still able to type, so the story goes on.

I can't believe this beast is only on Tuesday. That's like, three days until the actual dance starts! Arrg! I never thought it'd last past 7 chapters...

Speaking of, I tried to make this one longer, but it didn't work too well. I just can't write long chapters, I guess.

And Billy Slunchy is the kid whose mom Zim's Robo-Mom was poking on Parent-Teacher night. He's Zim's source for a bunch of information, really. Just thought I'd clear that up.


	10. Secret meetings and tether ball

Dib stared fixedly in front of him at the sign Ms. Bitters had tacked to the wall. In large red letters, 'Countdown to Dance' was scrawled across the top of a piece of off-white poster board. A 2 was pinned in the center, ominous for reasons that Dib doubted he could ever comprehend.

Really, the sign was rather pointless; they'd spent the previous day making it, it would stay up for the remaining two days, then it'd be torn down and disposed of. Ms. Bitters' assignments were generally more difficult and time consuming, such as defining the contents of glue and their affects of the human digestive system after Melvin's paste-incident, or a two thousand word essay on why democracy as we know it is doomed and the horrors of disillusionment.

Her class was depressing, to say the least.

His gaze shifted from the poster to the clock, which was considerably more interesting than just paper despite how long it seemed to take for the hands to move.

The week had been odd, more so than usual. After his confrontation with Zim on Monday, the two hadn't spoken. Not even a passing insult in the hallway or vicious remark in class. They hadn't even exchanged the usual glares and general harassment that composed their day-to-day life.

People had noticed the change in behavior, making it all the more strange. Dib had stopped ranting about Zim, who'd been to preoccupied with Keef to attempt any of his doomed schemes, and Dib had been spending time usually designated to Zim talking to Gretchen. Professor Membrane took this as a good sign and had been oh-so-subtly dropping hints that maybe the time for Real Science had come. Even a few of his classmates had noticed the change and had cut back slightly on their daily torments.

Despite all this, Dib was miserable. Regular life just didn't appeal to him; what was the point if it wasn't full of mystery and danger? He'd gotten far too used to his rightfully paranoid lifestyle to enjoy a normal, peaceful existence.

His musings were interrupted by the all too familiar feeling of being hit with a paper ball. He scowled instinctively across the room at Zim, knowing where the offending paper must have come from.

Instead of the false innocence, victorious smirk, or superior sneer he was expecting, Zim made small unfolding motions with his hands before hastily facing front.

Suspiciously, he unfolded the ball of paper and was surprised at the non-threatening contents of the note.

_Dib-beast_

_We need to talk. Meet me near the tether ball court after skool. Important._

_ZiM_

He raised a brow and glanced across the room again at Zim. Like he expected, the alien had been watching him from the corner of his eye. He tilted his head questioningly for Dib's response. He nodded slightly, carefully watching Zim's expression for any of the tell-tale signs of a trap the alien was prone to throwing off when he thought of a plan. Instead, he got a brief smile and a flash of relief behind the contacts.

Somehow that was incredibly unsettling. Zim being cautious and discreet about messages was bizarre enough, but to set up a meeting using such measures was just scary. Zim didn't do meetings, Zim didn't plan, Zim didn't use caution. Something was wrong here.

The day dragged endlessly on, the minutes ticking by like hours until the bell finally screeched to life. Children swarmed out of classroom in their usual herds, choosing whichever route would get them out fastest be it door or window.

Zim joined in the pushing throng for once, having learned that waiting at his desk like he usually did until the reeking masses had passed just made him that much easier to find and corner, which he didn't want. He could put up with the flood of humans for a day if it meant temporary freedom from Keef.

He scurried the opposite way most of the humans were heading and fought his way to the cafeteria exit.

The playground was rather desolate after school. All but a few scattered handfuls of children had gone home, the only reason the others stayed was waiting for a ride or lack of anything better to do at home.

The tether ball court was barren when Zim approached. He'd chosen it because, of all the spots on the playground, it was one of the most concealed and least suspicious. Partially hidden in a corner of the school, he could hide until Dib arrived. When he did, there would be nothing strange about two kids discussing a tether ball match or some such game related thing, and since it was far enough away from the other playground equipment they could see someone approach. Zim could be quite crafty when he wanted to be.

He hadn't been waiting long before Dib entered the playground. He was breathing hard as he came up to the court, looking around like he expected an ambush. Zim grinned, not very long ago that would probably be right, but now they had other things to worry about than just each other.

"So you did come after all, Dib-worm," Zim said, emerging from his hiding place. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show..."

Dib faced him, glaring suspiciously. "I had to get away from Gretchen. What are you up to, Zim? This isn't how you usually attack me, what's your plan?"

Okay, cutting to the chase. "Dib, it seems we're both having similar... problems. Obstacles keeping us from our missions, from settling this grudge. I believe you know what I mean, yes?"

Dib nodded. "Gretchen and Keef."

"Right. Neither of us seems capable of ridding ourselves of them, so I say we form a temporary alliance-"

"No way! Gretchen may be annoying sometimes, but that's no reason to kill her! She's nice, and I still need to survive this dance, remember? Keef is your problem, you deal with him!" He turned to stalk away, furious.

"I didn't say I was going to kill her, though _you _certainly seem eager enough.I just said-"

"'Rid ourselves of them.' Fine, no killing, experimenting, enslaving, maiming, incapacitating..."

"So no fun. FINE! But you'll rue the day you refused this offer! You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, human! She'll destroy everything you've ever worked for!"

"You're insane! You hate being around Keef so you expect me to hate Gretchen! Well I don't! What if I _like_ somebody accepting me? What if I _like_ spending time with someone who isn't plotting my doom? Huh? Huh? I'm not miserable, Zim!" He glared at the alien, waiting for some sort of response. When he received none, he left, leaving a silent Zim staring after him.

Zim was somewhat shocked. He'd never seen Dib blow up like that before at anyone, for any reason. He somehow doubted his denial of misery, though. He knew better.

The thought that Dib really was miserable infuriated Zim. The girl was stepping into his territory. No, it was past that. She'd run head-first into it and was now merrily doing a little hoe-down in it. _He_ was the one responsible for Dib's misery! _He_ ruined Dib's life! If anyone was going to waste their time making Dib suffer, it would be ZIM! This girl was taking over his place, and had to be stopped.

Had he been aware at all of what human emotions meant, he'd realize he was a bit jealous. He'd never admit it, of course, but it was there. He had been the sole focus in Dib's life for the longest time... and now some awkward, pathetic human was moving in.

His mood was so black as he marched home that he didn't even look up when Keef joined him from the skool steps. He just continued to trudge foreword, not hearing the stream of happy chatter or acknowledging the presence beside him.

Keef, meanwhile, had come to his own conclusions behind the cheerful babble he kept up. He'd witnessed part of the meeting between the two enemies, though he hadn't heard what was said. All he knew was that something Dib had done had caused such a black mood for his bestest bestest friend. That was unacceptable. He'd have to talk this over with Gretchen once Zim was home...

* * *

Dib slammed the door to his room, earning a warning from Gaz to keep it down or suffer her wrath. Dib wasn't particularly impressed today, but opted against saying so. Even at her least intimidating, Gaz was scary. 

The phone rang, and he cringed. He hated that sound, hated it with a passion. Maybe if he just didn't answer it, it'd stop...

And it did stop, but his sigh of relief was cut short as Gaz kicked open his door. "Don't make me answer it again, Dib," she threatened, tossing the phone at him.

She left, and he stared at it like she'd thrown a dead squirrel at him. "Hello?" He knew who it was, nobody else would call.

"Hey Dib!" Gretchen's stutter seemed to be improving, maybe it was because she never shut up. Or maybe she was just getting more comfortable talking to him.

After initial greetings, she readied herself for the tale of her latest trip to the orthodontists. Dib couldn't take it.

"Um, Gretchen? Sorry, I'm not feeling well. Call back later, okay?" He practically pleaded to get off the phone. Talking to her could be physically painful for such an intelligent person, his brain was already throbbing.

"O-oh, uhm, okay. Feel better, okay, Dib? Um, bye!" She still spoke haltingly, and he didn't say goodbye back.

He collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe he should've taken Zim up on that offer, he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. She was just so blindingly normal! Average intelligence, ordinary day-to-day adventures, everything about her was just too normal. Too dull.

As consciousness slowly began fading, he thought about Gretchen's utter normalcy and his lack thereof. Maybe that's what she found so attractive. He didn't fit into her world at all, or vice versa, but whereas she was fascinated by him, he couldn't possibly care less.

She was a nice girl, certainly. But maybe he wasn't looking for nice...

A green face flashed across his mind, but he wasn't certain if he was dreaming, so he ignored it. He let his thoughts drift to calmer topics, and was soon asleep.

* * *

Gretchen hung up the phone, saddened that Dib was sick but still on the adrenaline rush from calling him. She'd just turned to the kitchen for a soda when the phone rang, startling her. 

"Uhm, hullo?"

"Heya Gretch! It's Keef!" She smiled.

"Hi! How's Zim?"

"Not so good. He was talking to Dib again, and now he's all angry. How's Dib?"

"Oh, he said he didn't feel good."

"Aww, that's too bad!" His tone implied no such thing. "We need to start trying harder to keep them apart, then. Look how sad they get when they're together!" Gretchen agreed.

"Yeah, you're right. I think by the dance we can have them split! We just have to work a little harder."

"That's the spirit, Gretchen! Okay, you concentrate on Dib, call him in a little while. I'm gonna go cheer Zim up! See ya later!"

"Bye!" She hung up, cheered by Keef's incessant good mood, and grabbed her soda. There was one day until the dance, they'd have to make it count...


	11. Much ado about breakfast

Yay quick update! I didn't go to school yesterday, so I wrote stuffs!

Dib woke fully an hour before his alarm with the distinct feeling that someone was in his room. That was the first thing he was aware of, the second being the unfamiliar aroma of bacon and eggs.

He awoke with a start, already going through his mental monster dictionary for any sort of being that attacked using breakfast foods. He reached out to grab his glasses and realized he couldn't move.

Maybe if it was a breakfast food monster, it had tied him with something he could eat through...

"Oh, he's awake! Goody!"

...or it could be Gretchen and Keef. He should have known, really.

"Wha- What's going on here! Are you insane!" He yelled, turning in the general direction he'd heard Keef's voice from.

"S'okay, Gretch, he's just surprised! I told ya he would be! Heehee, he'll love this, just you wait!" Keef said quietly to Gretchen, whom Dib guessed had the kicked-puppy look again because he didn't like waking up like this.

"W-we, uh, we made you.. b-breakfast, Dib!" Gretchen's stutter had returned, she sounded terrified.

"What are you doing in my house! And why can't I move!" Dib wasn't finished freaking out yet. He'd feel a lot better about his house being broken into and cooked in if he could see or move. Either would be great.

Keef graciously chose to answer Dib's questions. "We made you breakfast, like we said! And we figured you'd react something like this, so I thought tying you down would be a good idea!"

Dib was dumbstruck. "You knew I'd freak out like this, and instead of NOT DOING it, you tie me down?"

"Yep!" He could see the smudge of white for Keef's smile, and he guessed they were nodding. "Good idea, huh?"

"NO! This is a terrible idea! Untie me!"

"Not until you calm down!" Keef sounded almost gleeful.

Dib opened his mouth to shout at them for being crazy some more, but thought better of it. He'd rather be untied. "...can I at least have my glasses?" He asked, sulking.

"O-oh, sure!" Gretchen responded eagerly, completely missing the glare Keef shot her as she dashed across the room. She fumbled with the glasses a bit, but did eventually manage to put them on properly and Dib could see again.

"Thanks," he mumbled, sounding less than grateful.

"You're welcome," she said, beaming at him. His tiny show of gratitude seemed to calm her down considerably, or maybe it was the fact that he'd stopped yelling.

She turned to look at Keef and gave a small nod, which he returned almost imperceptibly. Then he smiled again and took a step towards the door. "I'm gonna go see how Zim is doing! Enjoy your breakfast, Dib! See ya later, Gretchen!" He chirped, waving merrily as he made his way out of the room.

As Keef shut the door, Gretchen began telling him the long, drawn-out stories of all the food on the tray; the bacon had been bought at Meaty's Meat Shack and had been cooked in this manner for this amount of time, the waffles were originally blueberry but they didn't know if he like blueberry so they'd just made six different kinds, the sausage was bought at the Tubed Foods Inc. store, and so on. Dib wondered if she would ever run out of things to talk about, or if she would just loop back to talking about talking. Maybe she'd just start back from the beginning and say all the same things over again.

After about ten minutes, by the time she'd finished describing the layout of the Tubed Foods place, Dib was hungry and bored. "Hey Gretchen? Can I eat yet?"

She didn't seem to mind being interrupted, there wasn't really any other way to get anything through. "You mean you haven't been?"

He stared at her. "I'm still tied up, I _can't_. Could you _please_ untie me now?"

She blushed deeply. "Oh, I- uh, s-sorry! I guess I forgot.." she mumbled as she undid the straps holding him down. He was a little frightened again now, it wasn't all that reassuring to know that someone forgot they'd tied you down. Suppose he'd been left there? Slowly starving with a tray of food just out of reach...

He attacked the food, still thinking about starving so he ate like he was. Gretchen was pleased at his enthusiasm for the food, which actually was rather good, and between mouthfuls Dib said as much. It wasn't often that he got real food, so he didn't have much for comparison, but it definitely beat another morning of Super Toast or taking the risk of eating Gaz's cereal. All things considered, this was starting out to be a relatively good day despite how oddly it began.

Gretchen blushed deeply and looked down. "T-thanks. M-my mom, uh, she taught me.. and uhm, Keef helped." There was a momentary pause, Gretchen busied herself with cleaning up while Dib freed his legs. Why they had felt the need to tie him down so thoroughly, wasn't going to ask.

"So how'd you guys get in here, anyway?"

"The door was open." Gretchen seemed as surprised at the question as Dib did with the answer, as though that were the most obvious thing in the world.

"..Oh." With all the crazy hi-tech defense systems set up around the house, he could not believe he'd forgotten to lock the doors.

Figures.

His alarm went off and he swung out of bed. "Uh, I have to get dressed and everything. You can wait downstairs if you want."

Gretchen nodded and scurried out with his tray. Dib made sure his door was locked.

Zim emerged from his lab moments before Keef walked back into the kitchen. After arriving home yesterday, he gone straight to a random sub-level, not even caring that Keef witnessed his departure. He was harmless and had found his own way down before, so it didn't much matter. Besides, he could keep Nick company. They ought to get along great with their eternal happiness.

He had stayed below all day brooding, unable to focus on doing anything constructive. Occasionally he would smash something, then snap at the computer to fix it as he smashed something else. The computer did not complain. Fixing things seemed like a better alternative to being the focus of Zim's wrath. Even GIR had stayed away, but maybe Keef had something to do with that.

"Heya buddy! Feeling better?" Keef asked cheerfully, as he skipped into the kitchen.

Zim glowered at him. "No."

"Aww, that's too bad. I hope you're hungry! All that anger musta worked up an appetite! I made breakfast earlier, but last time you didn't seem to like it much. Me an' GIR saved some, just in case!"

"No, Keef, I'm not hungry."

"Okay, but you really should eat! It's good food, I promise!" Zim just glared. "Alright, but I'll bring some muffins in case you're hungry later! Now let's get to skool! We don't wanna be late!"

Zim would really not mind lateness. He didn't see how a few less minutes of hearing Ms. Bitters condemn them all to lives of misery and pain could be a bad thing, but Keef had grabbed his arm and some muffins and was pulling him to the front door.

Zim knocked him off violently, sending Keef bouncing into the wall. "I can still walk, Keef," he snarled. Keef pried himself from the wall and smiled.

"Great! Let's skedaddle!" He said, opening the door. Zim stared blankly at him. What kind of stupid word was 'skedaddle?' When did Keef get so southern?

"Keef?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Never, ever use that word ever again."

"Okie dokie!"

GIR had used that phrase, that was at least stupid on a level he could comprehend. Speaking of, where was the little robot? Probably off destroying things elsewhere, but he asked anyway.

"He was sad 'cause you were so upset, but didn't wanna bother you, so I told him to go watch a movie!"

"How long ago?" He wasn't on the couch watching anything on the big T.V., and Zim didn't know of any movie theaters that opened at 6 AM.

"Some time yesterday. Why?"

Zim sighed in annoyance and shook his head. Hopefully nothing too horrible would happen to the robot before he could find him, because he had other things to worry about now.

Keef mysteriously didn't trip this morning, which was good because they barely made it on time as it was. They entered the classroom just as the bell was ringing, earning a disapproving glare from Ms. Bitters. Not that all glares from Ms. Bitters weren't disapproving, really, but she looked a bit more disappointed this time.

"You all must have noticed that the dance is almost upon you all," she hissed. An excited murmur ran through the class. Ms. Bitters scowled. "In light of that, today will be spent lecturing on dances, the fragile relationships formed therein, and the ultimate and utter horror resulting from the aftermath of such traumatic social gatherings."

The class groaned, and Zim focused on the clock.

Precisely fifteen minutes into her lecture, at the point where it was building up into a rant, the door flew open and Dib rushed in, dragging Gretchen behind him.

"DIB! You're late again!" The teacher shrieked, then paused as she noticed Gretchen. "Well this is a surprise. Gretchen, you've never been late before.." She glared again at Dib. "His fault, I suppose. Ah well, not that it will matter, anyway. From here it will just be a sharp decline into delinquency as your life begins it's inevitable downward spiral..."

Gretchen looked like she was going to cry as Ms. Bitters continued lamenting the horrible path the girl's life was sure to take. Dib gave her arm a slight tug and let go, both slowly making their way to their seats as the teacher found a new subject to expound horrible wisdom on.

Zim watched silently, expression darkening again to one of silent rage. Keef glanced from the newly enraged Zim to the oblivious Dib curiously, then looked at Gretchen. She gave a thumbs up, then pointed at him and inclined her head. He shrugged and smiled, then held up a muffin. She smiled back.

Time seemed to slow more than usual this particular day, it felt like the lunch bell would never ring. Zim looked from the clock to Dib steadily, and every time managed to see Gretchen practically drooling over him from the corner of his eye.

Fifteen minutes until lunch, Dib asked to sharpen his pencil. Ms. Bitters ignored him, so he got up and walked across the room to the sharpener next to the door, located conveniently near Zim's desk. He dropped a crumpled ball of paper on his desk as he walked by, not looking down, and quickly sharpened his pencil. He made no move to acknowledge Zim's presence on the way back, and only looked over after he'd sat back down.

Zim hadn't moved since Dib had gotten up. He stared blankly at the paper, then glanced quickly at Dib. Much to his surprise, Dib met his gaze. Zim glanced quickly at the paper then back at Dib, who nodded slightly, then faced front.

Before Zim could reach for the paper to straighten it, a hand swiped it from his desk and dropped another. He looked up sharply to see Keef smiling as he threw the paper away, then waved and retreated to his seat. He gulped, feeling eerily trapped all of a sudden. He looked back at Dib, who hadn't seen the exchange. This had the potential to be a very bad situation.

He unfolded Keef's paper, stared, then turned it over. Then he turned it over again. It was blank. He glanced back at Keef, who was smiling innocently, then at Dib, who was watching expectantly. Zim held up the blank piece of paper and Dib frowned, then turned to stare sullenly out the window before Zim could attempt to explain.

That was too much. After all he'd suffered, Dib had the audacity to ignore him! This wasn't even his fault! He leapt up on his desk and shouted something, but the bell drowned it out. No matter, now it was lunchtime and he could yell at Dib as much as he wanted without fear of the evil teacher-lady.

He waited until the flood of people had gone before getting off of his desk and had taken a step towards Dib, who had been joined by Gretchen, when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door.

"C'mon, Zim! You didn't eat breakfast, so you gotta be hungry! Let's get you some food!"

Zim grabbed at the door frame but was pulled away. "_DIB_! You miserable human, _help me_!" The noise of the hallway drowned out his plea, and Keef steered them into the herd of people and they were trapped until they reached the cafeteria. Keef nudged Zim towards the lunch line, also reminding him of his presence.

"KEEF!" He whirled around to face him. "What in the name of the mighty Armada do you think you're doing!"

Keef blinked, then smiled again. "Getting lunch with my bestest friend! You're so silly sometimes, Zim!"

"**_Silly_**! You call me _silly_! Away with you! I've no time for your foolish nonsense of stupidyness!" He pointed angrily away. "Now begone with you! I've much work to do, much work that does NOT INVOLVE YOU!"

And Keef just smiled. "I understand, Zim. You need some alone time! Okay, I'll go get us some food, you can find a table and wait! I'll be right back, buddy!" He scampered off, waving back at Zim over his shoulder.

Zim screamed again and ran from the lunchroom out into the dark halls. He was about to employ his spider legs when he plowed into someone running as fast and frantically as he was.

Dib.

"Oww! Geez, watch where you're going!" Dib groaned, rubbing his head. He looked up, and gasped when he realized who it was he'd collided with.

"Zim! What the- What are you doing here? Where's Keef?" He spoke the name disdainfully, though he hadn't meant to. He and Keef had some sort of grudge going on, though why or about what wasn't exactly clear.

Zim flinched and looked over his shoulder, afraid Keef might have followed. "Not here, it seems," he sounded relieved. "And what about you? Where has your large-toothed follower gone?" He sneered as Dib brushed himself off.

"I left her in Ms. Bitters' room. She probably won't come looking for me for a little while, I hope. You know she-" He stopped. He was going to say she and Keef had been in his room that morning, but Zim didn't need to know that. His abrupt stop was covered by Zim's interjection.

"That note you left me, what did it say? Keef took it before I could read it."

"Liar, Keef was never over there! You just want to hear me say it!"

"I didn't see what you wrote! Why would I want to hear your stupid voice any more than I have to?"

"Because the only other person you have to talk to is Keef!" Shockingly enough, Zim didn't have a comeback for that. "Did you really not read it?"

Zim glared at him. Dib took that as a 'no.' He sighed, not exactly wanting to say it.

"Fine. I said.. you were right. This IS a problem. And after the dance, they aren't gonna go away. We have to do something."

Zim cackled victoriously. "I _knew_ it! Even with all of your foolish Earth pride, you had to see that I was right!"

"This is exactly why I didn't wanna say it! God, Zim!"

The alien continued to cackle and congratulate himself on being so flawless.

"That's it, I'm leaving."

"Heh.. Dib, wait! Hahah, yes, I was right! So, what do we do? The Keef has barely let me leave his sight for the past few days, so it would be difficult to do anything at my labs..."

"Why haven't you thrown him out or something?"

"I tried! GIR keeps letting him back in! Now GIR is missing, but the computer won't do anything about him!" Zim was growing angry again.

"Okay, so we just can't use your labs. If we really need to, we can use my dads, but that should be a last resort, Zim. They're annoying and creepy, but they're still people."

"Fine. Then what do_ you_ suggest we do, hmm?" He asked sarcastically. Dib blinked.

"Um... good question." A pause. "I'm not sure. We should probably wait and make sure they don't just go away on their own, now that I think about it..."

"So you're backing out?" Not that it took much, but Zim was rapidly going back to his previous black mood. Dib matched his anger quickly and easily, his usual response to Zim's irrational moods was to follow suit and vice versa.

"I am not! I just don't wanna screw this up while we still need them! Did you forget the penalty of this stupid dance! Huh!"

"I couldn't if I tried! That's all any of you miserable humans have been talking about for days! I just thought-" He caught himself. His thoughts were better off kept to himself.

"You know what? I don't even wanna hear it! Gretchen is one of the only people who's nice to me! Did I tell you that? I can't believe I even considered what you said!" He turned and started to walk away. "I'm gonna go find her, you can deal with Keef on your own."

Zim stared after him for a moment, fuming. "**_FINE_**!" He yelled after him, a little unnecessary as Dib was still rather close by. "You'll change your mine, oh how it will change! And when you do, don't even BOTHER coming to me! You'll just have to deal with _her_ on your own!" He started to run again, back towards the cafeteria. He could probably make it back before Keef was through the line and save himself some questions if he hurried... and it would put distance between himself and Dib.

Nothing had turned out like either one had planned, and for the second time in as many days the only things they'd said to each other had been bitter and harsh. They'd normally be civil to each other during such circumstances, if not semi-friendly, but something about other people being involved made it awkward and difficult. Things were changing, they both knew it, and were both somewhat afraid. The daily routine of name-calling and fighting had already come to a crashing halt, and they were afraid of what they might lose next.

Dib found Gretchen as he'd left her, gazing out Ms. Bitters' window.

"Uh, Dib? I don't see it. There aren't any clowns out there..."

"Sorry, my bad! Guess it was a squirrel or something! Ready to get lunch?" He offered a pained smile. She'd been staring out the window the whole time, looking for clowns which weren't there. How someone could be so blindingly stupid was beyond Dib, but lately his people had been surprising him more and more.

She smiled back and nodded, and they walked together to the cafeteria, Gretchen filling in the silence talking about... Dib didn't even care anymore. Something boring, the story of a girl who was perfectly average in every way. His thoughts travelled back to Zim, and he sighed. The little scene in the hallway a few minutes ago had probably been more exciting than Gretchen's entire life, except maybe for the lice queen ordeal. She'd taken that rather blandly, as though it'd been nothing more than a mediocre movie instead of a potentially fatal adventure.

But what choice did he have?

Zim slide into his usual seat just as Keef checked out of the lunch line.

"Hey Zim! Thanks for waiting!" He slid in across from Zim, pushing a tray of bright red chunks across the table at him. It looked like chips of brick mixed with paint, and smelled like hair spray. Zim gagged.

"What _is _that! Is it food!"

"No idea, buddy! Tastes okay, thought!" Keef managed around a mouthful of bricky goo.

"How can you stand to eat that _filth_!"

Keef shrugged and scooped up another spork full. "Aren't you gonna eat yours?" He gestured to the tray with said spork, spilling a little of the gooey substance onto the table, where it promptly burnt a small hole.

"Uh.. no thanks. I.. already ate! I ate while you were in line, so you see, I'm _really_ not hungry!"

"Suit yourself! It's really good, though!" Keef continued to shovel food into his mouth. Zim watched, unable to turn away from the hideous sight before him.

Across the cafeteria, Dib was suffering from the same horror as Gretchen ate. Simultantiously, he and Zim tore their eyes away from the horrendous sight and looked across the cafeteria directly at each other, then turned sharply back to the grotesque scenes they'd so struggled to look away from.

Keef was finishing off Zim's tray when the bell rang. Dib had declined Gretchen's offer to get him a tray and so had only had to suffer through one tray of 'food,' but watching her eat was horrifying. At the sound of the bell, the two rivals both bolted for the relative safety of the classroom.

The entered the room at about the same time and collapsed into their desks. Neither looked at each other as the class filed in. They didn't look at each other as Ms. Bitters lectured, and when the release bell rang, Dib and Gretchen left with the rest of the students, leaving Keef and Zim to wait as the hallways cleared.

Keef and Gretchen's plans were succeeding better than they thought.

Ten pages! Yes! That's a record! I've never written anything this long ever! I've been working at it all day, it'd better be pretty long. I'm happy, people keep saying they want the chapters to be longer, and I finally wrote one that is.

Anyway, sorry if this isn't up to expectations or something, I wanted to end it 3 or 4 times but it didn't seem long enough. I _had_ to end the skool day! And the next chapter is the dance. I swear there will be ZADR there! I was going to put it here, but that would've messed up my plans for the next chapter, and I've been plotting that for a while now.

Heh, I wish I got $20 each time I read or wrote somethng slashy! Gawd, that would be awesome! I'd be so rich! Thanks to All Apologies and Pinkey Pseudonym for being nice about that, though really I was kind of happy. In some sad, demented way, it's like initiation to the slash community or something. I don't know, like some kinda milestone or something. Does that make sense?

Even if it doesn't, I have to go to school and be angry about art thieves. Grr.


End file.
